Many of us have experienced difficult relationships with someone or with several people who have been addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or some other unhealthy pursuit. How might we deal with these difficult relationships, recognize them early, and prevent such relationships in the future? My own dear mother was unfortunately alcoholic. One day I realized something vitally important: Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean it is healthy to be near them. It is tremendously useful in life to learn to separate your feelings for someone, with your understanding of what is, or is not, healthy for you to be around. We need both love (or at least like) and a healthy dynamics for a relationship to continue. If both are not present, then the relationship can make you terribly unhappy, or even destroy your health, confidence, and safety. Ironically, it is also better for them also, to separate if they will not work on controlling their addiction. Maintaining the relationship while they their addiction runs unchecked, encourages their addiction to continue. It is not a significant consequence for them to argue with them about their addiction, for they can remain addicted and behave badly, and still have their relationship with you. You might even be helping to support them, so why should they stop? It is an addiction, so it is powerful. If you have been in a relationship with someone who is addicted, it would be very helpful to you to decide on your personal boundaries now, so that you can address the matter with a clear head if it comes up again. Here are some suggestions for behavior that is not acceptable in your relationships: • If they borrow money from you to pay for their addiction, or borrow money from you to pay for their needs because they spent their own money on their addiction. • If their addiction prevents them from supporting themselves financially. • Lying in any way, to cover up the truth of their activities. • Being cruel or violent to you in any way, while they are inebriated or sober. • Causing you damage to property or loss of reputation. • Long absences or causing you great worry. • Putting lives at risk by drinking and driving. If you find yourself in a situation where your partner, family member, or friend is addicted, address it immediately. For best success, don’t allow it to continue as it is. You need to give an ultimatum with consequences. I highly recommend that you tell them that they must participate in an organized help program for their addiction, or you will cease all support, end your relationship with them until they have control over their addiction, and you will not live with them. If you can, organize other loved ones to give the same message at the same time, for it will be more effective. These are very difficult situations, but remember two things: You will be helping both yourself and them if you take care of your own emotional and safety needs, and, just because you love someone, doesn’t mean it is healthy to be with them. While they are addicted, love them from afar.

The sphere of personal development has many forms. When someone talks about personal development coaching, they may be speaking about personal development in personal life or in business. There are many different personal development programs available for any need someone may have. Here are some of the main areas of thinking many personal development programs focus on. Public Speaking One of the most common problems and areas that need work in the business realm is public speaking. Although almost every college in the nation requires students to take at least one public speaking course, it is not usually enough to teach someone how to be a good public speaker. There is much to say about being a great speaker. A great speaker can not only feel comfortable speaking in front of people. But, they can also get their point across, reach the audience, and make a difference. Many personal development programs allow businesses to teach their leaders how to be better communicators, via public speaking tactics. In fact, many people say after they’ve gone through a personal development program, that they learn to enjoy public speaking. Anxiety Reduction Many people who are trying to get a job, get a loan, or speak to a group will also seek out personal development programs to help them control their anxiety. Thinking realistically, it can be quite stressful to go through interviews with people you don’t know. In fact, interviews can bring up some very tricky and stress-provoking questions and issues for those being interviewed. To be successful however, you must learn how to tackle an interview and show your best side! Personal development programs can help you do just that. Self Motivation There is a lot to be said about self motivation. Sure, your managers may be able to motivate you, but you aren’t around them constantly. So, why not learn to motivate yourself? When you can be a self-motivator, you have an enormous advantage over all others in your field. If you can motivate yourself, you can attain any goal you have. You can build your own business, realize your dreams, or even progress rapidly in within your current job and company. Improvement In Concentration One difference between a successful person and a mediocre employ is focus. Those who attain great success are often those with immaculate focus and planning skills. Personal development programs can help you gain the skills to take on great concentration and focus. In business, the finer details are often those that create most profits and long-term success. So, if you can learn to hone in on those, you will in turn be more successful. Improving your concentration is not an easy task, but one that anyone can learn to do effectively.

Recently the release of the movies “The Secret” and “What The Bleep Do We Know” have created quite a stir of curiosity. Many people have been inspired by the information released in these movies and are now contemplating how they can begin to adopt the Law of Attraction and positive thinking as part of their everyday living. The movies were an amazing forward for those who have not previously heard of the Law of Attraction and quantum physics, and were released at a time of immense spiritual transformation and conscious awakening on our abundant planet. How do you define the Law of Attraction? In the words of Abraham this universal law can be explained as “That which is like unto itself is drawn”. Whatever you focus on a consistent basis, you will attract into your life. Our universe, and everything within it, is made up of energy fields that produce varying vibrational frequencies. Our words, thoughts, feelings, actions, beliefs and attitudes all contain vibrations which are attracted to other like vibrations. Our current reality is a representation of what we have created,invited or attracted with our words, actions, thoughts and feelings. The quotation by Thomas Dreir is a great explanation of this universal law ‘The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove to be loving and friendly and helpful in return. The world is what you are.’ Unfortunately, manifesting your desires is not quite as simple as taking time out to visualize your desires and from there the Law of Attraction and positive thinking will do the rest. Unless you have a magic genie hidden under your bed it is unlikely that millions of dollars will magically appear in your life as you sit on the couch meditating on your dream of becoming unbelievably rich. Yes, we definitely do have to determine what we wish to achieve and visualize what we desire, however there are two other vital ingredients which are extremely important if you wish to achieve your gaols. Firstly, focus attention on what you desire and feel the excitement within as if your desire is currently in your reality. If it is a new car that you desire, then feel the excitement as you hold in your hand the keys to your dream car – visualize the color and shape, smell the leather interior, hear the purr of the engine and feel the power as you drive your brand new car out on the open highway. Secondly, if you would like to achieve your goals more quickly you must do something that moves you towards your goal. Visualizing and talking about your goals is fantastic, however, by consciously putting in place a daily action, be it big or small, you will bring your dreams into your reality much quicker. Our Universe is abundantly generous and willing and able to deliver our requests – so be careful when wishing for something and ensure that it is truly what you desire. It is time for you to take control and actively create the life your desire by applying the Law of Attraction and positive thinking.

Many people are unaware of the power contained within us to harness a unique force known as the power of appreciation. The power of appreciation enables us to channel our inner most thoughts to overcome any obstacle in our way. We can unleash the power of appreciation so that our lives are free of fear, worry and anxiety. Our lives will become satisfying and the rewards we seek will be manifested and we will start to enjoy every moment of our existence. Are you getting excited about knowing how to introduce the power of appreciation into your own life? If the answer is a resounding ‘Yes!’ then you should definitely read on. In reality all of us already possess the power of appreciation but as part of our ‘growing up’ most of us have been taught to concentrate our thoughts on how we go about stopping bad things happening to us. With our focus on the negative area of life we have little life energy left to direct towards attracting the good things into our lives. The art of being able to fully appreciate the benefits of the power of appreciation begins when we cast away the negativity in our lives, that is, we purposefully stop worrying about all the aspects of our existence that causes us grief. We stop being driven by our desire to improve our floundering personal relationships, our poor financial position and other negative situations. If we actively direct our mind to focus on the positive aspects of our lives, such as the simple acceptance that we live in a safe environment or own a car that works, can put our mind into the state that it needs to be in for the power of appreciation to be called into action. Look at the positive aspect of your situations rather than the negative and once it becomes second nature, and it will if you foster the concept, you will begin to enjoy the truly magical benefits in your life. You will become more content with your own being and purpose as well as becoming more understanding of others and their individual circumstances and problems. At this point it is important to understand that it is impossible to switch on and off this force because it should be seen as a constant feature in our way of life more than the occasional tool to help us when we need support. The key to the power of appreciation is to begin to truly incorporate the concept into our everyday mind set. Don’t let the simplicity of the power of appreciation fool you, as once embraced it will completely change your life and its direction in the most positive ways imaginable. Remember, the quality of your life is linked directly to the degree of your commitment to accepting that the power of appreciation is the governing force in your life. You have two distinct options available to you, firstly, you choose to feel depressed and unhappy that your life is not a level you want it to be at. Or secondly, as a contrast, you can choose to find something that you are content and appreciative about and in doing so activate the power of appreciation. How can you find something to appreciate?” This truly becomes a simple process if you just consider the following statement: ‘I appreciate the food that I eat. I appreciate the sunshine. I appreciate the relationship that I am in. I appreciate the air that I breathe. I appreciate the house that I live in. I appreciate everything in my life.’ Well, you may say “The food that rich people eat is much better than the food that I eat” or “The house that my neighbor lives in is so much more luxuriant than mine”, or “My relationship is dull and boring and lacks the excitement that we once had”. Maybe this is the case, however, it is true only because you have chosen to perceive it that way. You have the ability, through the power of appreciation, to change your perception totally. For example you are aware that in relation to what you think about the food you are eating there are millions of children through out the world who are starving and would be in awe of what you consider to be a mundane diet. Think about the relationship that you are in. Do you recall that your partner is always there for you when you need advice and guidance and all the wonderful memories you have shared over the years? Think about how lovely is feels to have a hug from someone that you have experienced so much with, and then realize that there are so many people who don’t have anyone in their life to share their memories with, not alone have the pleasure of a warm embrace. Instead of focusing on where your relationship is lacking, try focusing on what is great in your relationship and appreciate what your partner has done for you and the wonderful things that you experience. By flipping your focus the Universe will provide you with more things in your relationship to be appreciative of. Now, to activate the power of appreciation you have to purposely concentrate on holding that positive feeling of appreciation for as long as you possibly can. If you can keep the thought in the forefront of your mind on a regular basis (say 10 or 20 times each day) you are beginning to challenge the way you once thought and instead you are in a position to dramatically change your life for the better. Once it becomes a habit your life will never be the same. You will find yourself full of energy and happiness. There are always positive and negative aspects to any circumstance in your life. So now, the choice is yours to either focus on the negativities or choose to appreciate the positive aspect of what you have and who you are. By changing your focus you will find a dramatic lift in the quality of your life. As I said earlier don’t let simplicity of this idea fool you, practice invoking the power of appreciation and you will find that miracles will soon begin to occur in your life.

The decision I made took me out of character. It went against the grain of my early life experience and clashed with how I’ve become as an adult. This decision has left me feeling part-whole – more spirited – part scared – uncomfortable and confused. It really took me outside my comfort box. As a child I remember people often making comments like, ‘Children should be seen and not heard.’ I remember kids I went to school with telling me I couldn’t sing. I can remember my opinion being laughed at in a classroom and family asking me to make ‘Less noise.’ As a result of all of these comments I learned to keep my mouth shut, keep my opinion to myself and live a quite almost monkish existence. Then at 6am one morning, while out for a walk on a country lane I had an uncontrollable urge to shout. It wasn’t that I wanted to shout anything in particular. I wasn’t angry, frustrated or fed up. I just wanted to shout, ‘Hello’, ‘Thank you’, and ‘Yes I am here.’ It felt so good. I wanted to do it again. But louder. So I did. Then I wanted to laugh. And it wasn’t just a quite laugh. It was a really good belly laugh. As I’m writing this I understand that my spirit wanted to raise the roof and let some more of the hidden me out. You see it’s all very well being ‘spiritual’ – meditating, understanding, being agreeable, showing empathy and all that, but it’s quite another thing to be ‘spirited.’ Being spirited might mean allowing yourself to make a little noise, letting your voice be heard, perhaps not complying to protocol – or the norm – when you don’t agree with it. Having let out my voice I was faced with the urge to dance – the part of me that is uncomfortable was pleased I was at home by this stage and not still walking a country lane – I mean what would it be like to be caught dancing in a country lane at 6am in the middle of nowhere? Then throughout the week I’ve had the urge to put music on – rather than sit and read or meditate – to speak at a higher volume than usual – shout thanks up to the sky when something good happens rather than bowing my head. And do you know something? It feels more like REAL spirited living than all that quite stuff. When someone seeks me out as their coach they are often frustrated at circumstances or looking to accelerate their growth – in other words find how they can have what they want and get rid of what they don’t want. What I’ve found from my experience with REAL SPIRIT is that I want to live with more of the kind of spirit – shouting with glee and dancing and laughing. It made me feel more inspired and enthused. When we’re inspired and enthused we are on the journey to having everything. It also means we digest every experience that comes our way in a more positive light. Three things to try: 1. I dare you to shout! 2. At dinner time, throw your head back and shout thank you for the food. 3. Put some music on loud and just allow your body to do what it wants With Love and good wishes Neil